Monsters Vs Vampires
by Supa Supa Bad Truly Mad Moves
Summary: The government has long been investigating the existence of vampires. General W. R. Monger sends his monsters on a mission to Isle Esme, where some unlikely friendships are born. Sequel to The Good Life. Susan/Doc. Now featuring Maximum Ride.
1. Wake Up Call

**What began as an idea for a throwaway joke in my **_**Monsters vs. Aliens**_** fic implying that MvA and **_**Twilight**_** exist in the same universe has grown into an idea for a full-blown crossover. So, here it is…**

**MONSTERS VS. VAMPIRES**

**If you're unfamiliar with Monsters vs. Aliens… well, there's a hell of a lot of exposition here in the first chapter. If you're unfamiliar with the Twilight saga, you're pretty much screwed. I suppose that's the problem with making a book/film crossover… a hell of a lot more people watch movies than read books. Anyway, for a bit of introduction you might want to read my short MvA fic, "The Good Life". This one is an interesting change for me, as I can do various first-person perspectives now. I will make an effort to alternate between the POVs of Twilight and MvA characters equally; the character narrating the chapter will have their full name printed directly below the chapter title.**

**I wanted to include the **_**Maximum Ride**_** series in this, in a kind of three-way crossover of the three things that have greatly inspired me this year, but as I have not yet read the fifth book of that series I'm going to have to wait a while before splicing that one in.**

**Chapter 1: Wake-Up Call**

**BELLA CULLEN**

Edward and I looked down at Renesmee, sleeping peacefully in her bed. Two years old now, she appeared to be just on the verge of hitting puberty. Edward stiffened suddenly.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Alice is here," Edward said. "She's pretty upset about something… there's some kind of danger coming."

We left the house and ran down the beach of Isle Esme to intercept Alice. She was carrying a heavy binder in her hands… or what would have been a heavy binder in the hands of a mortal.

"What's going on?" Edward asked.

"The Modesto Monsters are coming after us," Alice reported. "They're coming here, to Isle Esme, searching for us, to determine if vampires are a threat to human society."

"Who are the Modesto Monsters?" I said blankly.

"The Modesto Monsters," Alice explained patiently, "are a group of monsters who live in Modesto, California. The ones who helped combat the alien invasion."

I gaped. "How long have we been out here?" I wondered. Glancing at Edward, I could see in his eyes that Alice was dead serious.

"You're not worried," he noted.

"No," Alice said. "I think we can be diplomatic about this. We can explain to them about vegetarian vampires."

"What about… regular vampires?" I asked.

"Explain to Bella who the monsters are," Edward said. "I see you've prepared a picture show."

Alice shrugged. "Oh, you know how I love explaining things," she said.

"No you don't," Edward and I retorted in unison.

"Well, I like explaining this," Alice said. She opened the binder and began to tell a story in a haunting voice. "1952. A British scientist attempted an experiment that would give humans the relative longevity and invulnerability of a cockroach. His first test subject was himself, and the experiment had a minor side effect, and he is now… Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D." She dramatically unfurled the first photograph. It was a man in a white lab coat, with an enormous cockroach's head. My sensitive eyes could tell that the photo was not at all tampered with. "His intelligence is unaffected, and he is still the world's greatest problem solver and mechanic. He is only slightly addled by a roach-like appetite.

"Now, 1958. Researchers at a snack food company were using unbalanced chemicals in their testing. One of these tests, a chemical-filled ranch dressing injected into a genetically enhanced tomato, resulted in a conscious gelatinous mass known as Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate, or B.O.B. if you will." She held out the second photo; a man-sized blob of blue goo with a single red eye and a wide, grinning mouth.

"B.O.B.?" I repeated with a laugh.

"Don't laugh," Alice said sternly. "It's completely indestructible. I don't think that even a vampire could harm it."

"How do we fight something invincible?" I wondered.

"We don't," Alice said. "I told you, we're going to be diplomatic. If it does come to a fight, though, I think that in a fair fight a vampire could fight B.O.B. forever. His only real weapon is to ingest someone, and since we don't need to breathe we could break free. I suppose his weakness is a tendency to forget what he's doing… but that doesn't matter. Shall I go on?"

"Please."

"Okay. 1965. Arctic explorers discovered the frozen carcass of a creature with genetic connections to both fish and the great apes. Dubbing it the Missing Link, they took it to a science lab, where it thawed and escaped. After a while it learned to speak and is now fairly civilized." She held up the photo. The creature was covered in equal parts with scales and hair, with a dorsal fin and fish's tail but the overall shape of a gorilla. "And then, 1969. In Tokyo, a caterpillar was enveloped in nuclear radiation and grew to 350 feet tall, as well as gaining an advanced, if somewhat childlike, intelligence and phenomenal eyesight. It's called Insectosaurus. It remained a larva for nearly forty years, until last year when it was wounded and revived as a giant butterfly." She showed two photos, one of the larva and the other of the butterfly, surrounded by buildings for comparison.

"Question," I said, raising a hand.

"Can't a girl finish a story? What?"

"If these monsters were created in the fifties and sixties, why have we never heard of them before now?"

"They were locked up in a secret government prison," Alice explained. "They recently obtained their freedom in exchange for fighting off the alien invasion."

"Yeah, what's that about an alien invasion?" I asked.

"One story at a time," Alice said irritably. "Finally, 2008. A young woman named Susan Murphy was hit by a meteorite and absorbed an extraterrestrial element called quantonium, which caused her to grow to five stories tall, possessing immense, disproportionate strength." She held a photo of a white-haired woman sitting on a semi truck, her weight sufficient enough to dent the truck's trailer. "Her monster name is Ginormica, but most people still call her Susan.

"Okay, here's my plan. They'll arrive on the island in a few short minutes. I can't tell what they're going to do when they get here, because they haven't the faintest idea what to expect. So the best we can do is reason with them."

"Why are they coming again?" I asked.

"The government has decided to investigate the existence of vampires, believing that the monsters may be able to harm us while conventional weapons cannot. The same principle that led them to use the monsters to fight the aliens, which was completely successful."

"Uh-huh. Tell me again about the aliens."

Alice looked up. "No time," she said. "They're here."

Edward and I followed her gaze. High above our heads we saw what could easily be mistaken for a fuzzy red butterfly flying a small distance above our heads. Our vampire vision, with its heavily improved depth perception, could tell that the butterfly was thousands of feet in the air.

"Insectosaurus," Edward whispered.

"Carrying the other four," Alice added. "They'll spot the isle any second. Anybody have a white flag? We're sitting ducks. Ah, here he comes…"

"How are you so attuned to these monsters?" Edward asked.

"I'm not," she said. "I was just keeping an eye on you when I saw the monsters landing here… I had to back up a bit. It was hard, since I've never met them. But with a bit of digging, I figured it out."

Insectosaurus was now nearly upon the island. It was something to behold; a quick measurement with my eyes confirmed Alice's statement that it was 350 feet tall. Living creatures should not be that big, I thought. My quick mind was nearly overwhelmed. The colossus landed in the shallow water, which barely came up to its knees, and the other four monsters jumped fluidly off its back and marched toward us. The cockroach-man was the smallest of them, and even he was larger than any human. I hadn't felt this kind of apprehension since my human days; though the Volturi had been frightening, at least I knew what to expect from them. I had no idea what to anticipate from the Modesto Monsters.

"Good afternoon!" the blue goo said. "Seen any vampires around?"

"Okay, conference," the Missing Link said in a gravelly voice. Its English was flawless, but my sensitive ears detected subtle hints indicating that it had lived much of its life without speaking. "I think the job of greeting people should go to someone besides B.O.B. Anyway, I think these are the vampires we're looking for. Look at 'em glitter. That's just plain freaky, and that's coming from me."

The gigantic, platinum-haired woman approached and crouched down to get a better look at us.

"We know," Edward said. "You're here to determine if we're a threat to human society. Let us explain, please."

"How did you know why we're here?" the woman demanded.

"Later," Edward said hurriedly. "Listen, the vampire world has rules… just one, actually. Keep the secret. Our existence can't be confirmed by humans. If you tell anybody what you see here, the vampire royal family will kill us, and you. We can tell you, since you are, in clinical terms, monsters, but you can't let the word spread beyond the five of you."

"So I take it you are a threat, then?" Dr. Cockroach said suspiciously.

"Not us," Edward said hurriedly. "We're vegetarian. We'd never hurt a human."

"Vegetarian, huh?" the Missing Link said, impressed. "That's pretty cool. Insecto here is vegetarian. Ever since his eighteenth birthday party in the prison back in '87. He ate the whole cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. Scarred him for life."

"We're not vegetarians in the human sense," I offered. "It's just an inside joke among our family. We drink the blood of animals instead of humans."

"You seem to be implying that there are vampires who do feed on humans," Dr. Cockroach said.

"Most do," Edward admitted. "Our immediate and extended family are the only vampires we know to care for human life. More or less all other vampires prey on humans regularly."

"Well, thank you for your honesty," Dr. Cockroach said. "Tell us where to find these man-eaters, then, and we'll let you and your family go on your way."

I shrank into my cat-like fighting stance, and Alice and Edward followed my lead. The monsters recognized our stance and also tensed up.

"Man-eaters or not, these other vampires are our brethren, our kin," I said. "You can't just go around exterminating them for their very nature."

"We are dedicated to the protection of this planet," Ginormica shot back. "If there are vampires in the world, we need to save the people from them."

"And this is the reason for your creation?" I guessed. "To defend the Earth?"

"No, that's just our job," she clarified. "We're free to do whatever we want. But we love this planet. It's our home."

"We don't look to destroy innocent people," Dr. Cockroach said. "We're not barbarians. Well, except for Link. But we won't harm you, if you're honest when you say you don't hurt humans. But we feel obligated to keep humans from harm. Tell us where to find these man-eaters, now, or we shall take the answer from you by force."

"All over the world," Edward retorted. "It's a whole species. You can't hunt them all down."

"What about this royal family?" Dr. Cockroach asked.

"I wouldn't recommend that," Alice said. "If you destroy them, you destroy the government that keeps vampires from coming out. The world will fall into chaos."

The monsters exchanged a few glances. "I see there's a lot we have to learn about each other," Dr. Cockroach said.

I considered the last time I had heard that phrase uttered, or something like it, and wondered whether I should be feeling a chill up my spine.


	2. Introductions

**Apologies; this chapter contains a lot of exposition for both Twilight and MvA that anybody reading this fic probably already knows. I just felt that going through the motions felt more natural than just assuming everybody knows everything.**

**Chapter 2: Introductions**

**DR. COCKROACH PH.D.**

The three vampires led Link, B.O.B., and I into the large, pale house. "Might we know your names?" I asked.

"Yes," the red-haired man said. "I'm Edward Cullen. This is my wife Bella, and our sister Alice."

"Sorry," Link said, "did you say you're married and she's _both_ of your sisters? Yours sister? Your… there's no correct-sounding way to say that, is there?"

"We come from a coven," Edward explained. "There are eight of us, four men and four women, and we're divided into couples. One of the couples, Carlisle and Esme, serves as our parents, and the rest of us view each other as siblings."

Link appeared to be adding that together in his head. "It's not that difficult," I told him irritably. "Now… tell us how vampirism works."

Edward sat down. "Well, I don't know how the first vampires came about," he said, "but new ones can be created by an injection of vampire venom, usually administered with a bite. Once someone becomes a vampire, they stop aging, their heart stops beating… virtual invulnerability, in other words. I see you would like to study our capabilities."

"How did you know?" I demanded.

"Some vampires have supernatural talents," he replied. "No two talents are completely alike. I can read minds, my sister can see the future, and my wife is a 'shield'—she can block other vampires whose talents involve the mind."

"I see," I said, intrigued. "So… what exactly are you capable of?"

Edward shrugged and complied. He lifted the refrigerator with apparently no effort, then ran up the stairs and returned in barely more than a second.

"Fascinating," I said. "And you say you can read minds."

"I can read the thoughts going through a person's head at a given time," he said.

"Ah… so, what am I thinking of right now?"

"A tango," he said promptly.

"That's right… and now?"

"The 'speak the speech' monologue from _Hamlet_."

"Geek," Link said with a smirk. I shot him a brief offensive hand gesture.

"That is so cool!" B.O.B. said. "Can you read my mind?"

Edward's eyes flicked to B.O.B. "Uh… there's something. Breathing? You're concentrating on breathing."

"That's right!" B.O.B. said, impressed.

"And you… Alice?" I said. "You can predict the future?"

"When someone makes a decision," she explained, "I can see where that decision will lead them. If they choose a different path in the middle of what they're doing, the vision changes."

I nodded. This was getting very interesting. "So… what am I going to do now?"

"Give me a second… um, you're going to clap your hands."

"Very good!" I said. "And now?"

"Enough with the tests," Bella cut in. "Who exactly are all of you?"

Link raised his eyebrows. "We're the Modesto Monsters. You know, the saviors of the planet. There's a TV here. Do vampires not watch the news?"

"I know who you are," Alice chirped. "But these two… you get them alone with each other, and the five of you could have been on this island for as long as they have practicing for a battle of the bands and they wouldn't have the faintest idea."

Edward and Bella glanced at each other. "I wouldn't go quite that far," Edward said delicately. "Close enough, though. Alice prepared a little slide show for us before you all arrived."

"Well, you've been quite cooperative," I said. "We should show you the same courtesy. My name is Dr. Cockroach, my companions are the Missing Link and Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate, and outside are Insectosaurus and Ginormica. We affectionately know each other as Doc, Link, B.O.B., Insecto, and Susan, respectively."

"And what kind of creatures are you, exactly?" Bella asked. "I mean, I've seen monsters, but they're always of a species, run by, you know, laws of nature. What are you?"

"With the exception of Link, we are all completely unique," I said. "We all began life as something or another, and science caused us to become monsters. We are, in effect, freaks of technology. Except for Link; he is the only known remaining member of a species that existed during the Ice Age, from his own accounts."

"Yeah, rub it in, Doc," Link retorted. "I'm the only naturally-occurring monster. I'm also the only one who's not indestructible, and the only one who ages… just smear my inferiority all over the ground, why don't you."

"Oh, I know how that feels," Bella piped up. "Not anymore, but I was only made a vampire about two years ago; the rest of my family have been vampires for a good deal longer. With them and the wolf-men, I was feeling pretty useless for a while."

"Wolf-men?" Link repeated.

"Shape-shifting people of the Quileute tribe," Edward said smoothly. "They fancy themselves werewolves, but technically they're not. Their leader, Jacob, is staying here with us. He's asleep; he did a bit of working out today." To Alice, he added, "Isn't this great? Organizing all of our knowledge to give it to an outsider. It's fun."

Alice nodded perkily.

"Now, you must understand," Edward said, "I need your word that you will never reveal this information to any human."

"This is strictly monster knowledge," Bella agreed.

"Word of honor," I said. "We will tell General Monger that we found no evidence of vampires on the island."

"Hmm," Link grumbled. "I don't like lying to the general like that."

"What about the time you told him—?" B.O.B. began.

"Anymore," Link clarified. I smirked as I recalled the incident… then quickly concealed it when I remembered Edward's mind-reading talent. Link and I had our occasional disagreements, but we had each other's backs, and I would never betray his trust. B.O.B., of course, had no such qualms, and I could tell by the amused look on Edward's face that B.O.B. was not bothering to concentrate on other things.

"What about him?" Edward murmured. "B.O.B.? Can he be trusted?"

"Hm? Oh. Ah… I would trust B.O.B. with my life," I said.

"No you wouldn't."

"No, I wouldn't trust him to hold my Go-Gurt, but it's not his fault. He can't tell right from wrong. He also can't tell reality from fantasy; he could give the complete history of vampires on international television and the secret would still be safe, trust me."

"Oh, the cleaning crew is here," Edward said abruptly.

"Oh, my," I said. "Would we frighten them?"

He shook his head. "They saw Insectosaurus from two miles away, but they recognize him. Apparently they're more in tune than Bella and I have been."

Two tiny, tan-skinned people entered the house. Edward gave them instructions in Portuguese. The woman pointed excitedly at the three of us. "Modesto Monsters!" she said.

"She doesn't know 'hello', but she knows 'Modesto Monsters'," Bella murmured.

B.O.B. sidled up to the cleaning crew and spoke to them in their own language. They gleefully responded, and he continued to chat with them as they went upstairs to clean.

"Would you like to meet our daughter?" Edward asked conversationally.

I perked up. "Daughter?"

"Yes," Edward said. "Since you only just discovered vampires, this won't have as much impact on you as it would on vampire scientists, but Bella and I conceived our daughter while she was still human. Vampire women aren't capable of child-bearing, but the men can reproduce with human women. Our daughter is the only one of four human-vampire hybrids confirmed to exist in the world right now."

"Fascinating," I said, and I meant it. "Yes, introduce us to your daughter."

"She's napping," Bella said. "She'll wake up at 7:30, on the dot."

I checked my watch; it was a few minutes past 6:00. B.O.B. returned from upstairs. "What happened there, B.O.B.?" I asked him. "I didn't know you spoke Portuguese."

He looked at me blankly. "I don't speak Portuguese."

"Yes, you do! I heard you. What was that?" I pointed at the stairs.

"Just talkin' to the people," B.O.B. said with a shrug.

"Yes," I said, "in Portuguese."

"No."

I clenched my fists and felt a tic in my eye.

Susan leaned her enormous, gorgeous head in the window of the house. "Blood pressure, Doctor," she reminded me cheerfully.

"Yes, of course," I said. She needn't have said anything; just the sight of her rendered me calm and peaceful in any situation. God in heaven, I loved her. But she mustn't know that yet; we had, after all, barely begun dating. No sense scaring her away by revealing the exact depth of my feelings. Seeing an interested expression out of the corner of my eye, I quickly ceased my mental pep talk. Being unsafe inside my mind would take some getting used to, assuming these vampires were to become a regular part of our life.

Edward grinned right as that assumption crossed my mind, perhaps because of it. "Would you like to stay the night?" he said. "I'm sure you're tired after traveling all day."

"Could we?" Susan said. "Wow, you're hospitable."

"Isn't he?" Bella said. "It's inherited. We're generous people."

"It's a kind of kinship," Edward added. "We're all monsters here."

"Would you like dinner?" Alice said. "We don't eat, but we can zip back to Rio and get some food."

"Link will catch us some fish," I said. "Don't trouble yourselves."

"Oh, yeah, Link'll catch you some fish," Link sneered. "Sure, 'cause I'm way less tired than the rest of you."

"Fine," I said. "I'll catch the fish myself."

"No, I wanna catch fish," Link said hurriedly.

"That'll be enough for most of you?" Edward asked. "Tell Insectosaurus he can help himself to any of the trees on the island."

"Can do," Link said. He slid out the door as athletically as his bad back would allow.

"You are most kind," I told Edward. "I don't know what I expected when I was told to hunt for vampires, but it certainly wasn't five-star service."

"Most vampires are nomadic," Edward explained. "Traveling alone or in couples. Our family of nine is the largest coven of vampires in the world if you don't count the Volturi guard, which we don't, since they don't have the same kind of family dynamic that we do."

"Volturi guard?"

"The royal family I told you about. The Volturi, they're called. Three ancient vampires who form the government of our secret world. They have a lot of hired help who are their guard. Anyway, what I was getting at was that we're very rare vampires."

"Okay, enough of that," Bella interrupted. "We've given you more information that you deserve. Tell us a bit about yourselves. Alice told us your origins, but tell about this alien invasion."

Susan laid down on her belly to better be at eye level with the rest of us. "Well, the meteor that hit me was infused with an element called quantonium," she explained, "which then altered my DNA to grow me to this 'ginormic' size. An alien then came to Earth to remove the quantonium from my body to help him fuel his invasion. General W. R. Monger suggested to the President that we monsters could provide the necessary firepower to destroy them, and he was right. We assumed that the alien had died when his ship self-destructed, but a few weeks ago they found him and took him to the prison that used to hold us. Now we live in Modesto, where I grew up. That's pretty much all there is to it."

Bella nodded, appearing satisfied. At that point, Link returned with an armful of various fish. He indiscriminately tossed a few at B.O.B., then passed them out between himself and I. The largest he handed to Edward.

"Can you cook this up for Susan?" he asked.

"With pleasure," Edward replied.

"You're a pretty cool guy, Ed," Link said. "We could use a guy like you in our business."

"Your monsters-for-hire business?"

"Yeah, that one. You're good in a fight, right?"

"Yes," Edward said, "but that's supposed to be a secret."

"Oh, no problem," Link said, slinging his arm around Edward's shoulder. "We can do this covertly. No one needs to find out anything. Conspiratorial, like." Link whipped out his cell phone and opened it up. "What's your cell number?"

Edward took out his own cell phone and they exchanged numbers. "All right," Link said. "Ed, if you need a ride, or backup, Insecto and I will be right there for ya in no time."

"That's not necessary, Link," Edward said pleasantly. "But thank you."

A screech sounded from outside. "Insecto says this is a neat island you've got here," Link translated.

"Thank you!" Edward called outside. "It's our mother's. Our father gave it to her as a gift. They let us borrow it every now and then."

"Ooh, karaoke!" B.O.B. yelled, oozing to the living room.


	3. Threats

**A special shout-out to the three people who put this story on their alert list. Hello, three people! Although the "three people" thing might be more impressive if I actually had three reviews, hmmmm? Come on, three people. Give me some love.**

**I write because I enjoy it, but I am also an attention-hungry snob.**

**Chapter 3: Threats**

**JACOB BLACK**

"'Morning, everybody," I said. "Edward, Bells, Nessie… hey, Alice. When did you get here?"

"Yesterday around six," she replied.

Nessie walked up to me and touched my head, and an image of five strange creatures flashed in my head.

"Whoa," I said. "Why didn't anybody wake me up when the Modesto Monsters came to call?"

"You've never heard of the Modesto Monsters," Edward accused.

"Well, I might have if you'd woken me up," I retorted.

"You were out cold, buddy," Bella said.

Nessie showed me everything that had occurred since she had woken up from her nap. It consisted mostly of singing karaoke. All the vamps had flawless singing voices, including Nessie, so I often found myself the weak link at karaoke parties. Judging from Nessie's memory, I was Billie Holiday compared to the singing monsters.

"Why exactly were these monsters here?" I asked.

Nessie didn't know. Edward answered. "The United States government sent them here to exterminate us. We convinced them otherwise, and made a party out of it. We explained to them the nature of vampires and shape-shifters, and they went off on their own. They're not going to expose us."

"Uh-oh," Alice muttered.

"Oh, crap," Edward said.

"What?" Bella and I demanded.

"Volturi," Edward whispered. "They don't trust the monsters."

"Jane and Alec are on their way," Alice said.

"I hate those twerps," Bella grumbled.

"Don't worry, love," Edward said. "We'll tell them we have the monsters' word of honor. Will that work, Alice?"

She considered. "No, it won't," she said. "They have every intention to terminate the Modesto Monsters."

"Is that bad?" I asked.

"They're innocent, Jake," Edward said. "They can protect our secret."

"You know, for not being the bad guys," I said, "they sure act like it. Aro's okay, but the rest of them are just jerks."

"They are," Edward agreed. "We'll just see how the encounter goes. What do you think, Alice? Two hours?"

"Give or take," Alice said.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Jane and Alec arrived at the doorstep two hours later. Bella quickly shielded the five of us.

"Hey, twerps," I said. "How's tricks?"

"We seem to run into each other an awful lot," Jane said to her fellow vamps, ignoring me. "Have the Modesto Monsters stopped by here?"

"As a matter of fact, they have," Edward said.

"Looking for vampires?" Jane hissed.

"That's right," Edward said. "We told them everything, and they promised to keep our secret."

"Fool!" Jane snarled. "They work for the United States government! You think they'll keep the supernatural world a secret?"

"I think I would know," Edward said dryly. "They were sincere. They're monsters just like us. I thought they could be let in on the secret."

"Fair enough," Jane said. "Aro trusts your family's judgment… foolishly, in my opinion, but I'm not a member of the Volturi guard to give my opinion. Fellow monsters, perhaps, but I don't believe they can be trusted. What of the stupid one? Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate? That is the one that has Caius worried. If he starts running his mouth…"

"No one will believe him," Edward insisted.

"Nevertheless, any risk to the secret must be eliminated," Jane countered. "Do not attack us, lest the Volturi track you down. The one called B.O.B. cannot be made one of us, therefore he must be killed."

Jane and her brother ran off.

"I'm completely lost," I offered.

"Later," Alice said.

"That pisses me off, you know that?"

"Shush."

Edward had begun a call on his cell phone. My sensitive ears picked up the response, a gravelly voice saying, "You're on the air with the Link."

"Link, it's Edward."

"Hey, didn't think I'd hear from you so soon. What's up?"

"Two of the Volturi guard are after you," Edward replied. "Not all of you, just B.O.B. They think he's a risk to the secret. They're going to kill him."

"That's just silly," Link said. "We call B.O.B. an 'indestructible gelatinous mass' for a reason. Let them come. Thanks for the heads-up, though, Ed."

"They may not be able to destroy B.O.B., but if the rest of you defend him, they can harm you," Edward warned. "Jane has the ability to cause agony, and Alec causes total sensory deprivation. B.O.B. will probably be immune to the effects, but the rest of you will not."

"Terrific. So what do we do?"

"We'll try to beat them to you," Edward said quickly. "We can't directly defend you for fear of provoking the Volturi…"

"Crap," Alice said. "That hadn't occurred to me. What the hell do we do?"

"Why do anything?" I asked. "We don't even know these monsters. We're going to risk ourselves for people who have nothing to do with us?"

"The Modesto Monsters really aren't our business," Bella agreed. "If the Volturi want to destroy them, there's not much we can do but let 'em."

"But I like the monsters, Momma," Nessie said. "I don't want them to get hurt."

We all looked down at her. "You heard the kid," I said. "Let's go rescue us some monsters."

"Just like that?" Bella said. "Renesmee says twelve words, and your whole stance is changed?"

"Yeah. Do you have an objection to that?"

"No, I was just checking. Let's go."


	4. Romance

**Chapter 4: Romance**

**SUSAN MURPHY**

I emerged from my room in one of my many custom-made giant dresses. Not like I own any other kind of dresses, but you know.

Dr. Cockroach came out of his own room in an elegant suit. I hoisted him onto my shoulder and strode purposefully down the stairs. The other three monsters were waiting for us in the living room. Insectosaurus roared with approval. I think so, anyway. He can't really change his inflection. He could have been cussing me out, for all I know. But the double thumbs-up that Link gave me seemed to confirm my original assertion of approval. Of course, in most countries a thumbs-up means "up yours"… but Link was smiling, so I assume it was, in fact, a gesture of approval.

If you've guessed that I'm being really paranoid about what people think of me, you guessed correctly. The doctor and I were going to L.A. for our first date.

First-date jitters? Me? You're talking to a girl who's single-handedly taken down giant robots, chased an alien through miles of treacherous spaceship, and beaten the crap out of the same alien with nothing but my normal human strength and size.

I was terrified.

For months, I had assumed that I would live the rest of my life without love—particularly after a bit of testing determined that I no longer age. Then Dr. Cockroach lets slip that he's in love with me, and all my hope comes rushing back to me. The sheer magnitude of returning emotion… It's intimidating, you know? I've never been attracted to the doctor, per se, but I do love him dearly, the same way I love Link and B.O.B. and Insectosaurus. Any chance for that love to blossom into romance, I'll take. I can already imagine the doctor and I living our long, eternal life together.

But what if it doesn't work out? If we fall in love and then split up… it'll tear apart our whole monstrous family.

But I shouldn't be thinking that far ahead, really, in either direction. We haven't even had a proper first date yet.

"You're lookin' hot, Susan," Link said. "Picture of the happy couple!" He snapped a photo of us. "So, where are you two goin'?"

"Los Angeles," Dr. Cockroach said nervously.

"Ooh, I love L.A.!" B.O.B. said. "Can we come?"

"It's a date, B.O.B.," I reminded him. "Dr. Cockroach and I want some alone time."

B.O.B. pouted. I did my best to ignore him. Not that I wouldn't be able to resist him, just that he might take the point a bit quicker if I don't look at him.

"Oh, come on," Link said. "We won't bother you, we'll just be in the same town with you. We'll give you a ride, come on."

Insectosaurus gave me the Bambi eyes. Now that was irresistible.

"Fine," I said. "But we want some time alone, okay, guys?"

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"We're off to a good start," I said.

"We are," Dr. Cockroach agreed. "Nearly to Los Angeles… just you and me… and three buffoons."

"What's that now?" Link said.

"Sorry… two buffoons and Insectosaurus."

Link lifted Dr. Cockroach over his head. "One more try," he said.

"One buffoon and two very cool dudes," Dr. Cockroach said hurriedly.

"And which am I?"

"One of the dudes, obviously."

"Very good." Link set Dr. Cockroach down on Insectosaurus' back. Dr. Cockroach slipped his hand into mine right as Insectosaurus came in for a landing on an open beach. I looked down at him and smiled. He visibly melted, and I smiled wider. I'd never had that effect on a man before.

Prior to our encounter with the vampires, the fact that the doctor was fifty years older than me had bothered me a bit—even if he had stopped aging following the experiment that had rendered him a monster. The vampires encouraged me a bit; both Edward and Bella were frozen as teenagers, but her transformation came ninety years after his. Perhaps age is, in fact, just a number when you get right down to it. Though I'm not condoning student–teacher affairs when I say that. Sorry, I'm babbling.

Anyway, I and the roughly human-sized monsters slid off of Insecto's wing, and the doctor and I left to find the outdoor café that we had reserved… and not just a table, we reserved the whole damn café. You may not have noticed, but I tend to take up more than one table when I dine in public. Occupational hazard. It could be worse. I could be as big as Insectosaurus. He can't dine in any place smaller than a national forest. It's nice that someone so huge can be so sweet and innocent, though. Am I babbling again? Stalling, I suppose. My date will have officially begun in seconds. I'm sitting cross-legged on the ground, while the doctor takes the chair on the opposite side of our expanded table.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The real date-y part of the date is kind of a blur to me. Small talk, the occasional suggestive remark, all the usual first date junk. All I really know is that that night Dr. Cockroach Ph.D. transformed from my best friend to my one true love. Yep, it happened just like that.

The first actual event I remember clearly is going to the beach to check with the guys before jogging straight back to Modesto and our mansion with Dr. Cockroach clinging tightly to my shoulder. Then I took one flying leap straight to the third-story window that led to my room, and plopped down on my giant bed. Obviously, all of my material possessions are giant, but my bed seems large even to me.

Anyway, I jumped gracefully onto my bed, placing Dr. Cockroach on my pillow next to me. I looked into his eyes and was immediately overwhelmed because I realized, in that moment, exactly how much he had loved me all this time. The same amount that I now loved him.

"Hi, Doctor," I said.

"Hello," he replied.

There was nothing more to be said. I leaned him and kissed him, and he kissed me back. I pressed my lips to his as gently as I could, which wasn't very gentle. I may have mastered the use of a Wii-mote, but I had no practice making out as Ginormica. Dr. Cockroach took the challenge, however, and pressed back. After a while, he pushed on my face with his hands and backed away.

"Sorry… I need a breather," he said. "Whoo! It's not your fault, but that was a bit… unpleasant."

"You didn't like that?" I said. "Thank God! You're right, that was terrible. Link was right, we really shouldn't get physical."

"I bloody hate it when Link is right," Dr. Cockroach mumbled. "Maybe if he was right about mundane things, that would be fine, but noooo, he has to be right about only the crucial details of my life!"

"What are we going to do?" I asked.

"I suppose we'll just have to… go without physical affection," he said lamely.

"No," I said. "I can't do that." I wrapped my fingers around him. "It's really nice having you in my arms like this, but… I'm a girl, you know? I want to be held."

"Here's an idea," he said thoughtfully. "You might find this a bit creepy, but suppose I built a machine… a humanoid robot about your size, that I could control on my own. That should gratify your… physical needs."

I considered that. "Okay, A) you're right, that is creepy, and B) that would work for me, but what about you? You have desires, too."

He shook his head. "My only desire is to see you happy. If I can give you pleasure, that's all the gratification I need, my love."

"Are you sure?"

"Completely."

I kissed his forehead. "Well, if you're sure, get to inventing," I said. "I love you."

"And I you," he replied. "Always."


	5. The First Assault

**Chapter 5: The First Assault**

**THE MISSING LINK**

"Okay," the director said. "Take twenty-four, and action!"

"Hi there!" B.O.B. said. "I'm Benzoate Ostylezene Bicarbonate."

"And I'm the Missing Link," I said.

"And we're here to talk about acne!" B.O.B. said.

"Cut, cut, cut," the director said.

"With a bit of acne cream, you can look just like me!" B.O.B. continued.

"No, no, no!" the director snapped. "It's a global warming awareness advertisement! Read the teleprompter, B.O.B."

"B.O.B.," I muttered out of the corner of my mouth, "if we have to do so much as one more take after this, so help me, I will freeze you, shred you, and sell you in little cups to passing strangers for 25 cents telling them you're blueberry snow cones!"

He nailed the very next take. You gotta know how to give guys the proper motivation.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

B.O.B. and I drove home from the TV studio. Insecto was taking a tour of Yellowstone, and Doc and Susan were at home working on their gettin'-it-on machine. Which meant an hour-long drive alone with B.O.B. At least it was a Lamborghini Diablo. Can you spell "chick magnet"? I know I can. Even with B.O.B. counteracting some of the action by riding shotgun, it was still a bitchin' ride. Pleasantly, he managed to keep his mouth shut until we got to the open road.

"Hey, Link," he said seriously. "You guys never got around to setting up that lunch you promised. With the cake and the candy and the balloons. You know? Remember? The lunch? You guys told me…"

"Oh, that," I said. "We kind of assumed you'd forgotten about that."

He didn't answer, and when I turned to look at him, he was shuddering. "You okay, B.O.B.?" I said, concerned.

"That was weird," he said. "There was a kind of tickly feeling in my belly. It just came at me out of the blue…"

I felt a lurch on the back of the car and glanced in the rearview mirror. A young girl in a gray shroud and shades had jumped onto the back of my car.

"Oh, crap, this must be Jane," I said. "Hey! Twerp! Get off my car."

"We have no quarrel with you, Mr. Link," she whispered. "But B.O.B. here poses a threat to our secret. Stand aside."

"So I've heard," I said. "You're welcome to try, just don't hurt my car, all right?"

B.O.B. looked terrified at my apparent betrayal. "You're indestructible," I reminded him.

"Oh, that's right," he said, relaxing.

Jane glared at B.O.B., and he shuddered lightly again. I laughed, remembering what Edward had warned me about; what most people would consider total agony was nothing but a minor itch to B.O.B., if that. Jane turned her gaze to me and my smile vanished. Nearly a second later, my entire world caught fire. I writhed and lost control of the car.

"Kill me!" I screamed.

The pain ended, and I felt that someone must have taken me up on my request. Then I looked around, and it occurred to me that the afterworld probably wasn't covered in a blue haze that was impossible to breathe through. B.O.B. had swallowed me to protect me from the pain. He spat me out onto the back of the car, and I punched Jane in the face. She tumbled onto the road, and I went back to driving, breaking the speed limit as I tore out of there. I dialed Insectosaurus' cell phone and got his voice mail.

"Insecto, it's Link," I said. "You probably won't make it in time, but I wanted to let you know the Volturi have come." In the sideview mirror, I saw that Jane was running after the car, gaining steadily. "Call me back ASAP, pal. If I don't answer, it means I'm in big trouble. See ya."

I hung up right as Jane caught the car.

"Eat her, B.O.B.," I said. "Keep her inside you until we get home." He enveloped her. She struggled, but couldn't escape. "I'll call Ed." I dialed.

"Yes?"

"Ed, it's Link. We've got Jane here. We're keeping her prisoner for now. What should we do?"

"Ooh, they won't like that," Edward muttered. "Alice has gone to Italy to try to persuade them that B.O.B.'s no threat. Don't cause Jane any permanent harm, and just to be safe don't piss her off too much either. The Volturi understand self-defense, but Jane is their favorite big gun."

"You're weaving a tangled web here," I heard Bella say. "We may have to overthrow the government for this one."

"Really, don't worry about it," I said. "We can take care of ourselves. We're big monsters."

"Nessie wants us to help you," Edward said simply.

"Ah," I said. "Well, I guess you'll have to then." When the other monsters and I had met Renesmee, we had all fallen in love with her immediately, which apparently was the typical reaction to her. If she had asked for my head as a Christmas centerpiece, I would have given it to her, so it went without saying that her parents would help us at her request. My phone buzzed. "I'll talk to you later, Ed, I've got Insecto on the other line."

"No problem," he said. "My family should be at your house within the hour, I've called them. I will be there by nightfall."

"Cool." I switched lines. "Hey, Insecto."

"_SCREECH_," I heard him say. From that screech, images appeared in my mind that perfectly conveyed his meaning to me, which my subconscious translated into words. No one had ever been able to figure out why that worked for me but nobody else that Insectosaurus had ever spoken to.

"No, we're fine. B.O.B.'s got Jane in his belly, and the Cullens are helping us out the best they can."

"_SCREECH_."

"No sign of Alec," I said. "Maybe they split up."

"_SCREECH._"

"You're right. We'll keep an eye out. Where are you at?"

"_SCREECH_."

"Okay, I'll see you tonight. Bye." I hung up. "You still got her, B.O.B.?"

"That or the stuffed pigeons are coming back up."

I laughed appreciatively. He'd never eaten stuffed pigeons in his life, but you had to give him credit for attempted wit whenever it came up.


	6. Defense

**Chapter 6: Defense**

**CARLISLE CULLEN**

Emmett pulled his Jeep into the driveway of the seaside mansion just outside of Modesto, California. The place reminded me of our house in Forks; isolated, fancy, pale, mostly glass in the back. Of course, it was five times the size of our house, but the overall look was the same.

Rosalie sniffed the air, then gave the rest of us the okay. We slipped out of the car and bolted to the door. I knocked, and was answered by a creature that I recognized as the Missing Link.

"Hey," he said. "You Ed's family?"

"Yes," I said. "I'm Carlisle, this is my wife Esme, Alice's partner Jasper, and Emmett and his partner Rosalie."

"I'm Link," he replied. "But you know that, right?"

"Yes," I said. "We're familiar with your team's heroics. Is Jane still contained?"

"Right there," Link said, pointing over his shoulder. My family filed in and B.O.B. approached. Jane was suspended within his mass. When she saw us, she glared.

"Good," I said. "Don't release her until Bella arrives; we'll need her to shield us."

"Why are you helping us?" Ginormica asked. "We've learned a lot about this government, and it seems a huge risk for you to take."

"You ever tried contradicting Nessie?" Emmett said with a smirk. "Damn near impossible. She's just too cute. She says save the Modesto Monsters, we save the Modesto Monsters."

"Did Edward say when he would get here?" I said quickly.

"Before it gets dark," Link said. "In the meantime… you, huge guy, you're Emmett, right?"

"Yes, that's right," Emmett said, surprised. "Why?"

"Ed said he likes to look for opportunities for you to get your ass kicked," Link explained. "We thought we could help him out with that."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Bella, Edward, Jacob, and Nessie all arrived a few hours later. Link greeted him by playing back the video they had taken of Emmett being brutally assaulted by the five Modesto Monsters.

"Very good," Edward said appreciatively. "That's hardly fair, but I'll take what yuks I can get. Thank you, Link. Are you ready, love?" Bella nodded. "Okay, you can release Jane now."

"Who?" B.O.B. said.

"The vampire girl you've been holding for the past five hours," Link supplied.

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"Just spit, B.O.B."

B.O.B. expelled Jane, who made a few visible efforts to harness her gift, but Bella's shield held up, as it always does.

"This isn't even worth it," Jane sneered. "If you're going to defend this freak of engineering, I'll leave it alone."

"Question, Jane," Edward said. "Where is Alec?" Jane made no visible movements, but I knew she couldn't conceal the answer from flashing through her head. "Ah," Edward said. "Well, go get him and explain everything before going back to Volterra, if you don't mind."

"Yeah," Link said. "We wouldn't want to have to kick his ass too."

Jane zipped from the house at top vampire speed. All of the monsters but Insectosaurus looked surprised at what to them must have looked like Jane simply vanishing into thin air. Insectosaurus brayed.

"Yeah, well, we don't all have telescopic vision like you, pal," Link retorted.

Nessie touched Jacob's face, and he replied, "Ask your daddy."

"Daddy, are our new friends safe?" she asked.

"That depends, Ness," Edward said, smiling that crooked smile that always makes Bella twitch. "She's going to tell Aro what happened. She thinks B.O.B. can be trusted. I can't be sure if the elders will agree, though."

"We can take 'em," Nessie said cheerfully.

"Probably," Edward agreed. "But I'm hoping it doesn't come to that."

Nessie nodded.

"Well, thanks, you guys," Susan said, smiling broadly. "You're all so sweet to help us like this. How can we repay you?"

"Oh, don't worry about it," I assured them. "Everyone deserves protection from the corrupted bullies that call themselves the vampire royal family."

"Oh, come on," Susan insisted. "Just let us owe you something."

"No," I said. "We're fine."

"Let's at least have a party," Susan pleaded. "Come on, guys. We'll order some pizza."

"We can't digest human food," Bella reminded them.

"Hell, I can digest human food," Jacob interjected. "Get me a pizza. Large meat-lover's. You want some pizza, Ness?" She shook her head.

"What about the rest of you?" Susan asked, looking around at us. "Can we get you any refreshments of any kind?"

I waved the question aside. "We only have to drink every couple of weeks… and we'd have to hunt for it anyway. Don't worry about us."

"Well, come on," Link said, gathering up Edward and Emmett. "Let's play some video games, whip up some tunes. Let's party like monsters!"

Susan took out her giant cell phone and dialed. "Hey, Antonio. It's Susan. Yep, get us the usual and a large meat-lover's for our guests. Thanks." She hung up. "Okay, who's ready to party?"

"Define 'partying like monsters'," Jasper said warily.

"Put it this way," Dr. Cockroach said. "The five of us? We are all very large and/or sturdy creatures who can hold remarkable amounts of alcohol. We get hammered, baby! Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

"Days on end," Link said dreamily. "People come up, say, 'Hey, Link, what have you been doing lately?' And I say 'I been partyin', baby!'. Ha-ha… you guys remember what happened last time we had a party? 'Cause I don't!"

Dr. Cockroach thought. "I seem to recall that I woke up playing 'Every Breath You Take' on a saxophone in a church in Nigeria… and that was the last thing I remember before I was brought back to my senses by being run over by a charioteer somewhere in, I think, Newark."

"That's right," Link said. "Yeah… I think I remember now. Who was driving the chariot?"

"I think it was you."

"Oh yeah."

Esme and I exchanged glances. "Sounds like a party to me," she said.


	7. Convention

**Okay, I give… I don't care if I haven't finished reading the series yet, I'm gonna toss in the characters from **_**Maximum Ride**_**. I mean, why not? Maximum Ride and Twilight is one of the most popular crossovers on the site. And yes, those who have at this point read "MAX" will probably regard me as an ignoramus for having not done so. All I know is that Max and Fang finally date. So, let's say all this crossover stuff happens immediately after the ending of "The Final Warning", and the events of "MAX" will never occur. Okay? Okay. Those of you who haven't read **_**Maximum Ride**_**… well, I'm terribly sorry, because the characters from **_**Maximum Ride**_**, as it turns out, are the key to the story once chapter 18 rolls around.**

**Chapter 7: Convention**

**MAXIMUM RIDE**

I led the flock in formation across the countryside that the Voice was leading me to. The sun was setting over the Pacific Ocean. Suddenly, I knew exactly where we were going. I had never seen the place in person, but there was no mistaking it.

"This is the place," I told the flock. "This must be where the Modesto Monsters live."

"What tipped you off?" Total retorted from my arms. "The giant mansion guarded by the giant butterfly?"

In response, I dropped him. Don't worry, I caught him as soon as he screamed. Insectosaurus glanced up at us, and we heard his startled screech from a mile away. As we swooped in, we saw that a crowd had gathered at the back of the house. I recognized the monsters from the news reports, as well as several people who I didn't recognize; seven gorgeous, pale people, a rosy-cheeked little girl, and a hulking russet-skinned man.

"Hey, it's the bird kids!" I heard the Missing Link say.

"Who?" one of the pale men muttered.

We all landed in their backyard, between Insectosaurus and the giant building. The Missing Link opened the back door. "Come on in!" he said. "It's the flock! What brings you here? The voice in your head?"

I scowled. "How exactly do you know who we are?"

"We have a TV," he said dryly. "You guys are hard to miss. Insecto reads your blog."

Fang eyed the giant butterfly. "Oh, FuzzyBug350?" he asked.

Insectosaurus nodded.

"Very original," I said. "Well, you guys are hard to miss too. We've been on the run for a while, but we catch a bit of news. Who exactly is everybody here?"

The insect-headed man approached. "I am Dr. Cockroach, Ph.D.; this is Susan Murphy, the Missing Link, B.O.B., and Insectosaurus. These are our guests, Carlisle Cullen and his family."

"Yeah," the Missing Link said. "It's the first annual Monster Convention. I'm glad the flock could make it."

"Uh… really?" I said.

"Nah, I'm just kidding," he said. "But it's kind of turning out to be something like that. We're just partying down. We're ordering pizzas. You guys want some?"

"Ooh, Max, can we?" Nudge begged.

"Fine," I said. Years… okay, year… of experience told me that everyone but Fang would hop on the bandwagon at the first sign of any kind of luxury.

Susan made a call on her cell phone. "Hey, it's me again. We've got some unexpected guests…" She looked up at us. "What do you guys want?"

We all rattled off our favorite toppings, and instructed Susan to order three, a half for each of us.

"So, what are your names?" she asked.

I instinctively began to list our aliases, then I remembered that we didn't need to do that anymore. "I'm Maximum Ride," I said. "This is Fang, Iggy, Nudge, Gazzy, and Angel."

"Ahem!"

"And Total."

"AHEM!"

"…And Akila."

"Hmm," Dr. Cockroach said. "And I thought the government gave _us_ unfortunate monikers."

"We named ourselves," I told him.

"Oh," the bug-man said. "Well, that's… groovy."

"Who's reading my mind?" Angel said suddenly. "Is that you?" She eyed one of the pale men, an average-sized one with red-brown hair.

"What?" he said, alarmed. "You can read minds?"

"_You_ can read minds?" Angel countered.

"Our guests are vampires," Link explained. "The kid is a vampire-human hybrid, and the big guy here is a wolf-man." The newly introduced supernatural creatures glared at him. "What? I thought monsters could know the secret."

"We're not monsters," I said.

"Are you human?" he challenged.

"Uh, mostly."

"But not completely."

"Yeah."

"Then you're monsters by one of the many terms defined by the United States government," Link concluded. "Trust me, I've been studying that law for as long as I've understood the concept of a spoken language. It's rock-solid."

"Listen," said a kindly-looking blonde vampire, "it's illegal for any non-monster to know about the existence of vampires. If you could keep Link's little slip of the tongue under your hats, it would be most appreciated."

"Do we still get the food?" Nudge asked.

"I suppose."

"Then we can keep a secret."

"Ugh," said the dark-haired vampire girl who was holding the rosy-cheeked child. "We are so going to have to start the Vampiric Revolution."

"Hey, I was kidding before, but maybe we _could_ set up an annual Monster Convention," Link mused. "It's the fourth, right? That would be awesome."

"Hold on," Fang said. "We have no intention of hanging around. We tend to spend our time on the move before any international super-villains catch up to us. We don't settle and we don't return to any place."

"But Fang," Nudge whined. "They're ordering us a pizza! A pizza with no explosives in it, because nobody knows that we're here!"

"And hey," one of the vampires said, "if you're being hunted, sounds like the perfect situation to surround yourself with monsters, wouldn't you say?"

"Works for me!" Gazzy offered.

The flock had rushed off to mingle before I could get a word in. I turned to Fang, by my side as always, and said, "I hate it when they do that." He nodded.

"Monster party!" Angel whooped.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The pizza guy arrived a few minutes later. "Okay," he called. "The usual—anchovies and Canadian bacon for Link…" Link took the top box from him. "Super-large with everything for B.O.B.…" He tossed the second pizza at B.O.B., who consumed the entire thing in an instant, box and all. "Hawaiian for Dr. Cockroach, meat-lovers for the guests, and a mix for the bird kids." Iggy and Gazzy snatched the three boxes. "Five-footer with extra cheese for Susan, and thirty-footer with broccoli and spinach for Insectosaurus!" Several muscular people were hauling the latter two pizzas through the big door.

"Thanks, Antonio!" Susan said cheerfully, taking the five-footer up to her big table. "Have a tip." She passed him a wad of bills. "You'll be able to quit the pizza gig pretty soon."

"What, and get out of show business?" Antonio said. "No way. Delivering pizza to you guys is where the cash is."

Dr. Cockroach stood up. "Could you hold down the fort, Link?" he asked. "Susan and I are going to work on our invention."

"The electric super sex?" Link asked.

"Don't be vulgar, Link," Dr. Cockroach sneered. He and Susan took their pizzas upstairs.

"They're working on the electric super sex," Link said smugly. Seeing my confused expression, he said, "He's too small to make out with her, so he's building a giant robot to do it for him. It's sweet in a creepy sort of way. Or creepy in a sweet sort of way. Whichever you prefer." He began to tear into his anchovy-and-bacon pizza. Apparently a ravenous appetite is something that all clinically-defined monsters share.

Iggy sidled up to me with a glass and his entire half of a pizza. "Hey, Max," he said. "These monsters throw some party! And apparently these vampire chicks are all really hot. What's your opinion?"

"Um, I'm sorry, Iggy," I said, "you appear to have mistaken me for what those in the medical profession call a dude."

"Oh, that's right," Iggy said. "Where'd Fang go?"

"Is that champagne? Give me that." I snatched the glass from him.

"Right here, Ig," Fang said, popping up. "But I agree with Max. No champagne for you. Go play _Wii Music_ with the wolf-man."

"Fine," Iggy muttered. He drifted off.

"Could I talk to you, Max?" Fang said.

"Sure, pal," I said. "Sup?"

He took me to a corner of the high-ceilinged room.

"There's a lot of couples in here," he noted. My heartbeat doubled. "All the vampires have split into pairs… the wolf-man and the little girl who's only slightly less frightening than Angel are bonded by the power of the universe itself. Dr. Cockroach and Ginormica are going out."

"What are you getting at, Fang?"

He leaned in towards me. I was quite suddenly aware of the largest eyeball on the planet peering at us.

"Okay, you, turn your eye somewhere else!" I said to Insectosaurus. "And you…" I turned back to Fang, then turned to run. He grabbed me.

"Max," he said solemnly. "I just had a brainstorm."

He seemed so serious that I had to say, "Lay it on me."

"How about," he suggested, "I kiss you and you _don't_ run away as fast as you can?"

I considered that. "Nope, that's not gonna work out for me."

He shrugged. "All right." He grabbed the back of my head and pecked me quickly, then backed off. I stared at him. "Go on, scoot," he said.

"What? Oh, right," I said. I ran.


	8. Good Times

**It was originally my intent to have some semblance of a plot to this fic… but judging from my story plans it's going to mostly be just a lot of partying for a while. You know, why not? I think at this point, the cast of all three of these stories have earned the right to party.**

**Chapter 8: Good Times**

**JACOB BLACK**

Okay, first, let me say what an honor it is to be the first person to narrate two chapters. How awesome am I?

Okay, so I was playing on the monsters' Wii. _Wii Music_. It has a lot more depth than people give it credit for. "Hey, Jacob," said a voice.

"Oh, hi," I said. "Uh, Link, right?"

"That's right."

One of the bird people joined us, the blonde guy.

"Hey, who have we got over here?" he asked.

"Jacob," I told him, shaking his hand.

"Whoa, are you sick?" he asked.

"Nah, I'm a wolf-man," I said. "We all run a real high temperature."

"A wolf-man?" he said, frowning.

"Yeah," I told him. "Like a werewolf. Technically not a werewolf, more of a shape-shifter, but… to hell with technicalities. I'm a werewolf."

"I'm Iggy," he replied. "I'm the head chef and pyrotechnics guy."

"Fancy," Link said.

"So, you guys have been in prison for a long time, right?" Iggy asked Link.

"They let us go for beating the aliens," he confirmed. "Man, let me tell ya, it is good to be free."

"Yeah, they used to keep us in prison too," Iggy said. "Tiny little cages. At least you got food and entertainment and exercise… and names. Us bird kids? They made us run through mazes and crap… I personally lost my vision in an experiment made to enhance it. How much does that suck? And Max won't even let me drink champagne."

Link and I looked down at our glasses of champagne and passed them to him.

"Sweet," he said, snatching one in each hand. "How about you, Jacob? Anything government-y happen in your life?"

"No," I told him. "My people and the vampires rely on secrecy. We're magical; no government intervention."

"Lucky," Iggy said.

"Well, I had some experiments done on me," Link offered. "You know, DNA stuff, to find out what I was, how old I was, how smart I was. It took a year for me to learn American Sign Language, and another four to learn English. Take that, Koko the gorilla. Eh? Anyway, I'm loving the idea of this Monster Convention. What do you guys think? Just our family, the flock, the packs, the Cullens and maybe their cousins. Ooh! Hey, Dr. Cockroach!" He scooped the bug-headed man out of thin air. "How about we make the annual Monster Convention the day of my birthday? December eighteenth!"

"Your birthday's not the eighteenth," Dr. Cockroach said, rolling his eyes.

"You don't know that."

"Neither do you."

"Sure I do," Link said. "I know I was born in early winter. We didn't number the days back in the Ice Age, wise guy. I like the eighteenth. Anyway, we can have a little party with all of our human friends, and then we can slip off to the top-secret Monster Convention!"

"Your birthday?" I said. "How old are you?"

"243," he said promptly.

"Also completely made up," Dr. Cockroach retorted.

"Not _completely_, Doc," Link growled. "I know I had done at least two hundred migrations before I was frozen, I didn't age while I was frozen, and I unfroze forty-three years ago. I'm probably not 243 on the dot, but WHO GIVES A DAMN, DOC? I'm a freaking fish-man. I can have whatever damn birthday I want."

"Wow," I said. "So, how long did your species usually live?"

"Well, like I said, we didn't keep much track of time," Link admitted. "I know my dad survived about five hundred migrations before he passed, and he was a pretty old dude. I'm not as rugged as my ancestors, but I do have better health care. My doctor says that if I keep exercising, eating right, and don't start smoking or anything I may have another eight hundred years left in me." He pounded his chest. "So, I'm gonna be with these guys for a long time. I'm the only one who ages, you know, but not much!"

"Cool," I told him. "My pack doesn't age either, unless we give up the gift, then we go back to being human. Vampires don't age at all, and Nessie will stop aging as soon as she hits adulthood."

"Man, we're lame excuses for monsters," Iggy said grimly. "With what happened to most of the other recombinant life-forms, I'm remarkably lucky to be fourteen."

Dr. Cockroach's eyes wilted, and he gave Iggy his champagne. "Thanks, Doc," he said.

"Oh, Link," Dr. Cockroach said. "Can I borrow your iPod?"

"What for?"

"Oh, just to integrate some components into… you know. I'll just take out some spare parts; it'll work fine."

"Parts for the Love-bot?"

Dr. Cockroach grabbed Link by the scruff of the neck. "Listen here, pal," he snarled. "Stop mocking my invention. Susan and I are in love and we want to express ourselves. Unless you have a better idea, Project L will commence."

"Project L?" Link repeated. "I mean… no, I don't have a better idea. You… you go get 'em, doodlebug. Do what you gotta do." Dr. Cockroach went back upstairs, glaring.

Edward approached with Renesmee. "Hey, Ed," Link said. "Hey, Nessie."

"Hi, Link," Nessie said. "Hi, my Jacob."

"Hey, pal," I said to Edward.

"Hi, son-brother-thing," Edward replied. "Man, this family is messed up. So, Link, you want some help with a birthday party/monster convention?"

"Yeah, could you?" he said.

"Alice likes to party," Edward confided. "She'll be so ticked that she missed this party, she'll never forgive us until she gets to plan a party of her own with all the same people."

"Is she good at it?"

"The best," Nessie said. "Auntie Alice is a killer party planner! This will be the best birthday party anybody's ever had… well, except for me."


	9. The Love Machine

**Chapter 9: The Love Machine**

**SUSAN MURPHY**

"Here he is," Dr. Cockroach said elegantly. "What do you think?"

He unveiled his creation and I gasped. He was just my size, his skin was fair and perfect, and he was dressed in a fancy suit.

It. "It", not "he". The only "he" in my life is the doctor.

"It… it doesn't look much like you," I said.

He raised an eyebrow. "You, er, want him to look like me? I tried to make him handsome."

"Well, you're the one I love, Doctor," I reminded him. "I'd rather be with you than with a handsome stranger."

"Don't think of it as a substitute for me," he said hastily. "That's the last thing it is. It's… you know. A way for us to express our affection for one another. Think of it as an artistic medium."

I tapped his head. "I love you," I told him. "I'm so glad you're going to all these lengths just to make me happy."

"Oh, please," he assured me. "Building a robot is the least I can do. If I had to prove myself, I'd fight hand-to-hand with every single person in the sitting room."

"You don't have to prove yourself," I said with a laugh. "I already love you, Dr. Cockroach. You know what my favorite thing is about being huge?"

"What's that?"

"It's all the space in my heart. You know? I mean, I'm aware how corny that sounds. But I could never feel so much love with a human heart. I love my parents, and my old friends, and the other monsters, and there's still more left over, just for you, than most people have for everyone they know."

He climbed up my body and kissed me on the cheek. "Ah, darling," he said. "I can't wait for you anymore."

"There must be some way for you to get something out of this," I said.

"I'm getting everything in the world out of this," he told me. "All I want is to make you happy."

"That's just silly," I insisted.

"No more," he said firmly. "Allow me."

He crept into the internal mechanism of the robot. Its eyes opened and I screamed. The chest cavity opened, revealing the doctor.

"Is something wrong?" he asked.

"The eyes are really off," I muttered. "Like a zombie or something."

"Er… a zombie?"

"Yeah, like the zombies from that really freaky movie… ah, what was it? All these zombies on a train or something… um, Tom Hanks playing, like, ninety characters."

"Oh, _The Polar Express_?"

"Yeah, that one."

"Oh, dear God," he said. "That was never my intention… but human emotion is really not something that can be synthesized, my love. If you seek intimacy, this is the best I can offer."

I smirked. "We're really pathetic, aren't we?"

"There's nothing pathetic about love, Susan," he assured me. "Would you care to lead, or shall I?"

"You," I said decisively. "We'll figure out our style from there." I looked into the robot's soulless eyes. "I'll, um, try to avoid eye contact."

I sat down and the robot moved slowly towards me, wrapping its arms around me. I shut my eyes and let it kiss me. I sank into it, and felt that it might work until my eyes chanced to open and I saw what was kissing me.

"Ew!" I said. "Stop it… this is just too creepy."

Dr. Cockroach came out of the robot. "Perhaps you're right," he admitted.

I picked him up and hugged him to my face. "What are we going to do?" I whispered. "Romeo and Juliet have nothing on us. At least they managed to spend one night together." I pounded my fist to the wall, then I gently stroked his face. "Don't get me wrong," I said. "I love just being with you. Dating, laughing, just holding you like this. I could stay this way for a very, very long time."

He wrapped a hand around my finger. "It's quite wonderful," he agreed. "But I swear, I'll find a way for us to engage if it kills us both… or just me, which is more plausible."

I laughed. "Don't strain yourself," I insisted. "What we have goes a lot deeper than a physical relationship." I kissed him gently on the lips, and this time it didn't feel quite as awkward.

**Sorry, I couldn't resist that jab at **_**The Polar Express**_**. What do you think of how they're handling the relationship? I'm not taking the cheap escape of making her small. Complicates the pairing, don'tcha think?**


	10. Invitation

**Chapter 10: Invitation**

**NUDGE**

Yo! It's Nudge. The Nudge-ster. Tiffany-Krystal. Monique. Magnet Girl. The Nudge channel, all Nudge, all the time. People criticize me about that. I got stuff to say, folks! You got a problem with that? Well, do ya? You better not.

Anyway, I have to say I was a bit freaked out to see a grizzly old man in a jet pack chasing after the flock. Of course, it's not like we've never been chased before. First Erasers, then Erasers who turn into humans, then Erasers who fly, then the Flyboys… this guy wasn't exactly following the trend of increasing scariness. It's just one guy, but still, can't we get a freaking break? I'd like at least a week of no chases and battles. I'm eleven years old, damn it. I should be hanging out at the mall and tittering at the surfer dude behind the counter of the sporting goods store. Not being pursued by the International Conglomerate of Bad Guys. We prepared ourselves for the attack.

"Hold fast, flock," the man growled. "The name is General W. R. Monger. Caretaker of the Modesto Monsters. Since you have no permanent address, they asked me to track you down to give you your invitations to the Monster Convention." He passed them out.

"Forks, Washington?" I said, reading the invitation.

"Yeah, apparently there's a big monster family living there."

"Will you be there?"

"Nope. Monsters-only. The human guests will give the Missing Link his gifts in Modesto. I don't suppose you know who the Forks monsters are?"

"Top-secret," Max told him.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he grumbled.

**I realize this chapter is short… I just wanted to integrate the **_**Maximum Ride**_** series into the fic as much as I can. Especially Nudge. Nudge is my favorite. It's just sometimes I have an idea—like Nudge narrating—and I love the idea but I don't know exactly what to do with it. Know what I mean? Oh, I do hope awfully that someone around here appreciates all three facets of the crossover... I feel so much affection for all of them.**


	11. Peace Offering

**You may have noticed the occasional aside implying that Gallaxhar is still alive. Well, I had wanted to pay that off sooner, but the three-way-crossover idea stalled it. So here it is.**

**Chapter 11: Peace Offering**

**GALLAXHAR**

I wheeled myself from my cell to the common room. I didn't see the point of that, as I was the only prisoner. And with the Earthers' new acceptance of the "monsters" of their world, I was unlikely to ever have any company unless one of them proved violent beyond control… in which case I would prefer not to share a common room with them.

I couldn't blame them. I did, after all, attempt to… you know, make the entire planet inhospitable. I'd be pretty ticked if someone tried to do that to my home planet.

Of course, I _did_ do that to my home planet. Long story. Look, you saw the movie, didn't you? I tell the entire story quite needlessly in one scene.

A panel in the wall opened, and General What's-his-name puttered in on his primitive jet-pack-type-thing.

"You have a guest, Gallaxhar," he informed me.

"A guest?" I said, bewildered. A figure entered the common room, and I recognized one of the monsters who had defeated me; the one that the humans, in their ignorance of how evolution works, called the Missing Link.

"Ah," I said. "What brings you here?"

"We're having a Monster Convention," he told me, "and I asked the general to give you some time off if you're interested in coming."

"Socializing with Earthers and their pet monsters?" I sneered. "I think not."

"Listen, pal, we're not pets," he sneered back, "and there are no normal 'Earthers' there. All monsters."

"Thank you, but I'll have to decline," I said.

"Oh, come on. Fresh air, social interaction, games. Are you sure?"

"No, I don't want to come."

"Fine," he said. "Just trying to be friendly." He turned to leave, then came back to me. "How about I ask you a favor? Keep it to yourself that this was my suggestion, but… Susan and Dr. Cockroach are going out, but she's too big for them to really get intimate, you know what I mean? You managed to shrink her, then when the quantonium got back into her system she went back to being Ginormica in no time. Could you do that again? Extract the quantonium from her? Again, you didn't hear this from me, but… it's real sad what's going on with them."

I shook my head. "I could if I still had my computer. You should have thought of that before you blew up the last remnants of my race's technology."

"Can't you rebuild it?"

"No. It's made out of material not indigenous to this solar system, and even if I could find some, I'm no engineer. I never got any education. I don't know how to build a computer. That knowledge died with my home planet. My apologies… although," I said with a thoughtful look, "if I _did_ have the ability to help, I'd probably refuse just to aggravate you, so don't think of this as a disappointment. Think of it as spared aggravation."

The monster glared at me. "All right," he said. "Thanks for your time. I'll check with you before next year's convention to see if you've changed your mind. Don't expect any guests before then."

He left the room.


	12. It's My Party

**Chapter 12: It's My Party**

**BELLA CULLEN**

"Okay, people, let's go, go, go!" Alice clapped. The family rushed around, preparing decorations. Emmett hung up the banner that read _Wish the Missing Link a happy 243rd (give or take) birthday_, directly under a larger one that read _First Annual Monster Convention_.

"Come on," Alice yelled. "They'll be here in minutes! You! Bird kids! Quit lounging around! We need to prepare this place for the convention!"

"Hey," Max said. "We're guests in your house! Don't make us to the busy work!"

Alice bounded over to the flock and grabbed Max by the throat. "Don't mess with me when I'm preparing a party," she snarled. "Where's Nessie? Nessie! Don't make me full-name you! Renesmee Carlie Cullen, where are you?"

"I'm here, Auntie Alice," she said quickly, popping up from behind the couch. "What is it?"

Alice swooped onto Renesmee. "You go greet the cousins and the packs!"

"Alice," I snapped. "Stop freaking out! Jasper, make her stop freaking out."

Jasper approached her. "Alice, darling, you need to relax."

"No, no, MAKE her."

"Oh, right." The atmosphere quickly settled.

"Okay," Alice said softly. "I'm good now. Okay, one second. Edward, Bella, take Nessie to La Push. Give me five or six minutes before bringing the wolves back so I can get a general idea… okay. I'm good."

"'Kay, freak. We'll be right back."

Edward and I took Nessie outside, and immediately intercepted the Denali cousins.

"Oh, hi!" I said. "How's it going? What's with the shades, Garrett?"

He shrugged. "My eyes are still a bit orange. Don't want to scare anybody."

"Orange? It's been two years. Have you been cheating?"

"Hey!" he snapped. "I don't cheat, all right? I've been weaning. Every two months or so I steal someone off the electric chair. I'm cutting back slowly. I should have the family resemblance before the year is out."

"So what's your favorite prey?" I asked him.

"Beluga."

"Beluga? White whale?"

"Yes, that's what a beluga is."

I considered that. "Wow, I never thought of hunting whales. Are they good?"

"Only the toothed ones," he said.

Alice burst through the door and began shoving the three of us. "Come on, go, go, go. I need to clear my vision."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

We collected the packs from La Push. All of the imprinted wolves brought along their mates. We invited Billy, but he elected to hang out with Charlie instead; though Charlie was aware that the packs and the family were not human, he preferred not to get too much information, and if he came to the convention we wouldn't be able to be ourselves, which was of course the entire point of the gathering.

"Tell Charlie I'm in town when he comes," I told Billy. "Just keep him entertained until the convention is over, and I'll be by with Nessie."

"Will do," Billy said.

Believing we had given Alice enough time to figure things out, we began to run back right as we saw Insectosaurus swooping in.

"Hey, everybody!" I called. "Happy birthday, Link."

"Thanks," he said. He leaned into me. "Okay, point the single women out to me."

Iggy sidled up to me as well. "Yeah, I wouldn't mind knowing that as well."

"Um, there's Leah and Tanya. I think that's all. Leah's a wolf, Tanya's a vampire."

"Ages?"

"Leah is twenty-two and Tanya is, I think, I a bit older than Carlisle."

Link glanced at Iggy. "You take Leah, I'll take Tanya."

"Deal," Iggy said. He jumped into the air and landed unerringly next to Leah. "Yo," he said. "Name's Iggy."

Dr. Cockroach approached Link with a small, wrapped gift. "Here, Link," he said. "A gift from Susan, Insectosaurus, and myself."

Link raised an eyebrow. "Meaning a gift from Insecto that you and Susan tacked your names onto because you were too busy with Project L to get me your own gift."

Susan hugged Link. "So glad you understand," she said.

"What's Project L?" I muttered to Edward.

"It's a bit private," he said. "I try not to pry into people's affairs."

"Tell me quietly, then."

He lowered his voice to a pitch that only a vampire could hear from inches away. "Well, Susan and Dr. Cockroach are dating, and they find that their vast… height difference… makes it difficult for them to express their feelings. They haven't found a way to manage yet that doesn't feel awkward and disturbing."

"I see."

"All right," Link said. He felt the box and shook it a little bit. "Okay, it's a disc of some kind. Lovin' the suspense! Is it a movie? Is it music? Is it a game? All right." He slit the packaging. "_Wii Sports Resort_!" he said, impressed. "You rock, Insecto!"

"Here, Link," B.O.B. said. "Here's my present. It's a coupon!"

Link took the small slip of paper from B.O.B. He read it aloud with a blank look on his face. "The bearer is entitled to one hug from this guy." Underneath that writing was a crude crayon drawing of B.O.B.

"You wanna use it now?" B.O.B. asked, spreading his arms.

"Thanks," Link said, "but I think I'll save it for a special time." He crumbled it up and tossed it over his shoulder without even waiting for B.O.B. to look away.

Esme and Carlisle rolled a covered cart into the room. "Here, Link," Esme said. "Here's your gift."

"You guys got me something?"

"From the whole family," Carlisle said. "Although I don't know if you should open it. I'd hate to have to follow a coupon for a B.O.B.-hug…"

"Oh, shut up," Link said, pulling the cloth off the cart. "What's this?"

"It's a scale model of your new vacation home in New Zealand," Esme said.

"You got me a vacation home in New Zealand?" Link demanded.

"Didn't I tell you they were generous?" I cut in.

"Man, you give people you barely know a vacation home. What do you give your family?"

"Oh, one-of-a-kind artwork," Esme said. "Lush, tropical islands. Fleets of tank-proof cars. Money is no object to us Cullens."

"Oh, I love that feeling," Link said dreamily.

"Hey, where did Edward go?" I wondered. I saw him at the dining table. He was playing cards with the youngest bird kid, and they were moving their gaze in perfect unison from each other to their cards.

"This isn't gonna work, is it?" Edward said.

"No," Angel admitted.

"We might need a few more players."

"Who'd be sucker enough to play poker with _two_ mind-readers?" Angel wondered.

I erected a shield between the two of them.

"Thanks," Edward said. "Deal again?"

"Sure," Angel said.


	13. Need to Know

**Chapter 13: Need To Know**

**CHARLIE SWAN**

"Hey, Billy," I said. I helped him into shotgun and loaded his wheelchair into the back of the cruiser. "I hear Jake's back in town."

"Yep," he said. "Bella, too."

"She is?" I said, surprised. "Why didn't she call me?"

"They're having the first annual Monster Convention at the old Cullen place," Billy told me. "She'll bring Edward and Nessie by as soon as it's over."

"Monster Convention, eh? Well, that explains the giant dancing bug."

He followed my gaze in the direction of the Cullen house, where the fuzzy red winged colossus was still swaying to some inaudible beat.

"Yeah, all kinds of monsters are turning out," Billy told me. "The Cullens' extended family from Alaska, those bird kids that have been popping up in the news."

"Can I go?" I asked.

"No, no humans allowed," he said apologetically. "Security reasons, you know. I mean, some of the boys' girlfriends are well aware of the secret, so they came, but not even the human friends of the government-sponsored monsters are allowed in."

"Don't you know the secret?"

"Yeah, but I didn't want you to get lonely. You only have a vague idea of what they all are…"

"And I don't want any more," I said hastily. "Whatever the Cullens are, whatever they turned Bella into… knowing that my daughter isn't human anymore is enough for me, thank you very much. I don't need to know exactly what she is. You ever notice that she has no heartbeat?"

"Yeah, it's freaky," Billy said.

**Sorry, this one came out just like the Nudge chapter… I get the idea for someone to narrate but don't know what to do with 'em. I hope they're sweet enough to make up for being short.**


	14. Da Game

**Chapter 14: Da Game**

**ALICE CULLEN**

"Hey!" Edward called out. I immediately saw what he was planning and my face brightened. "Who's up for a game of vampire baseball?"

"How do you play vampire baseball?" Susan asked.

"Just baseball with a triple-sized field to accommodate our strength," I told her. "Monster baseball, now, I suppose."

"Normally we need a thunderstorm to conceal the noise," Carlisle said. "But the town knows that the Monster Convention is here, so we can be as loud as we want. Link can be first captain since it's his birthday, and Alice should be the second because she'll kill us all if she doesn't get at least some amount of control over the situation."

"That's right!" I said cheerfully. "Let's go!"

I skipped to our baseball clearing and was followed by the entire party. "Link picks first," Carlisle said sternly. "Nine players to a team."

"Jake," Link said quickly.

I gaped as all the events for the rest of the game vanished. Jacob smirked at me, and I growled.

"Insectosaurus," I said.

"Good choice," Link said. "Insecto is the worst baseball player in the Western and Northern hemispheres combined, but sure. Whatever works for you. Susan."

I bit my lip and scanned the crowd. "Edward," I said decisively.

"Ah, Emmett," Link said.

"Quil."

"Uh…" Link scanned the crowd. "Um… big, quiet, bird kid."

"Fang," that boy said. "My name's Fang. Thanks."

"Yeah, Fang," Link said. "Get over here."

"Bella," I said.

"Um, Alice?" Jasper piped up. "Husband in the lineup?"

"You know I love you, Jasper, but I want to win."

"Jasper," Link said.

"Damn it," he muttered, joining Link's lineup.

"Jared," I said.

"Max," he said.

"Dr. Cockroach."

"Kate."

"Garrett."

"Carlisle."

"And… Tanya. Okay, Link's team bats. I'll pitch. Insectosaurus, go deep. Jared catches. This is gonna rock! Let's go! Lah, lah, la-la-la, _you set my soul alight_…"

I hopped to the pitchers' mound as Link hefted a bat. He isn't as strong as a vampire, but he deflected my fastball elegantly. It bounced off of Insectosaurus' belly and the other fielders grappled for it. Link managed to run a single. Jacob came up to bat, and the ball once again hit Insectosaurus, resulting in another single.

"I think I picked the right guy to be my outfielder," I taunted.

"Oh, yeah, he's got all the baseball skills of a giant wall," Link retorted. "Susan? Teach 'em a lesson."

Susan was up to bat next. She crouched down as low as she could, which still put her hitting zone about ten feet up. I pitched and she hit it brilliantly; it went straight over Insectosaurus' head and vanished far into the sky.

"You want us to actually round the bases, or just give us the three points right now?" Link said innocently.

"Eh, I don't wanna play anymore," I muttered.

"Ooh, bad sport," Emmett said in a stage whisper.

I squinted straight up, where I could faintly see the baseball against the gray clouds. It looked to be about a thousand feet up and perhaps a two-hundred-foot arc. But that wasn't the only thing I saw.

"Carlisle," I said. "You'll be getting a phone call from Marcus."

"Marcus?" Carlisle repeated. His cell phone immediately rang. I knew what the conversation would entail, but I listened intently anyway.

"Hello?" Carlisle said.

"Carlisle, it's Marcus," a deadpan voice replied. "It has come to my attention that you are hosting the first annual Monster Convention."

"Yes. Why?"

"Oh, nothing. Aro and I have agreed it best not to tell Caius. I just felt I should let you know that you're not exactly putting the greatest effort you can into protecting the secret."

Susan leaned in towards Bella. "Who exactly are the Volturi? What do they do?"

"They're vampires, three thousand years old at least," Bella told her. "Aro is the leader, and when he makes physical contact with someone he gets their entire life history. Marcus can sense the bonds between people, and Caius… well, Caius's superpower is being a phenomenal a-hole. Not the most powerful gifts in the world. They've got some henchmen, but most of them use mind attacks, so if you stick with me you should be fine. They only have a few fighters. Please, stop worrying about them. If for some reason they decide to come for you, we'll know and we'll protect you. They know perfectly well that we can whoop their hides."

"I appreciate your concern, Marcus," Carlisle said, "but I can assure you that the Modesto Monsters and the Flock can both be trusted. Although none of them approve of the 'natural' diet. You should all really give vegetarianism a try."

"I'll pass that along to Aro," Marcus said dryly.

Carlisle hung up. "Okay," he said. "Let's finish this game!"


	15. Fly Home

**Chapter 15: Fly Home**

**FANG**

"I have to say that the Monster Convention was pretty awesome," Gazzy said conversationally.

"Sure, Gazzy," Max said absently. We were on the wing, back to see Jeb and Dr. Martinez.

"How was Leah?" I asked Iggy.

"She's all right, but, you know, I probably wouldn't have gone near her if she wasn't the only single at the party," he admitted. "Hell, we've gone public now. The flock, I mean. No need for quiet desperation anymore. I'll post a personal."

Oddly, Max didn't make any remarks about Iggy's piggish attitude.

"Who was that guy you were talking to, Nudge?" Gazzy asked.

"Oh, you mean Aaron?" Nudge said. "Oh, he was tons of fun. Good listener, you know? And no, I don't mean he just let me go on and on, he actually asked me to elaborate on a few things."

"Is he a werewolf?"

"He used to be. The magic brought him in prematurely with the big vampire gathering, and he quit as soon as they all cleared out, so he's human again. He is so nice! He gave me his number and his e-mail. He's twelve. He tells the best jokes. Great kisser."

That gave everyone pause. "And you know that how?" Iggy ventured to ask.

"What, the jokes? I heard him tell jokes."

"No, the last bit."

"Oh… you know, wild guess. And we made out. But mostly a wild guess."

"Oh, that's real nice," Iggy grumbled. "I'm gonna be the last, aren't I? Come on! I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm cool. For crying out loud, I'm a strawberry blonde. What's it take, huh? Fang, you've mauled some chicks. What's your secret?"

"_Some_ chicks?" Max said vaguely.

"I'll tell you later," I muttered. "If you don't mind, I think I should have a private word with Max."

Max's head snapped up. I motioned her to the ground, and she came with me.

"Listen, Max," I said quietly. "For the whole party, you looked really edgy and nervous… and now you just look bored. What's going on?"

"I'm just waiting for something to happen," she murmured. "Anything at all. You realize we were at that party for four hours? Being stationary in an inhabited area for that long? I felt sure something had to happen."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Flying robots. Ugly robots. Giant robots. Giant ugly flying robots. We haven't been attacked in almost two weeks, Fang!"

"Are you complaining about that? 'Cause I for one think we have earned, at this point, the right to party."

"I'm not complaining," she said hastily. "It's just strange. I feel like the longer we wait, the more dangerous things will finally be when they come back up."

"Maybe they won't," I said. "Maybe nothing will come back up. Maybe we will live to see the next few Monster Conventions. Maybe we can graduate and get jobs. And somewhere down the road, maybe you and I can be together."

"That's quite the speech," she retorted. "How long have you been rehearsing that one? Please, Fang. Of course something's going to come back up. We're going to get killed before the next convention, assuming we don't expire first. Graduate and get jobs? Please. And, you and I together? Are you kidding?"

"Well, we don't know anything for sure," I said. "That's why I tossed in all those 'maybes'. I can understand if you're anxious; I know we haven't had a minute's peace for a couple of months now, but we're part of a community now. Everyone knows who we are. We just left a Monster Convention! If anyone bugs us, we can call any one of thirty indestructible friends to bail us out. And, no, I'm not kidding about you and I being together. I know you love me, and I know this because you say so in your fourth journal." I whipped that journal out of my pocket and flipped to the page I had folded in. "'I loved it. I loved him'," I read. "Come on. And later on, you get very ticked off by what you perceive as flirting between me and…"

She snatched the journal from me. "Give me that! Why do you read my journal? I don't read yours."

"No, you don't, but about a billion other people do. Come on, I thought you were trying to get those published."

"Uh, no," she snapped. "Those are my private journals!"

"Okay," I said. "But, you know how you always get pissed off when you see me with other girls? That would stop if you'd just let me…"

She screamed with rage and flew off at her top speed. No one could catch her that way, so I settled for catching up with the rest of the flock.


	16. Beach Bod

**Chapter 16: Beach Bod**

**DR. COCKROACH PH.D.**

I laid out my towel on the public beach and laid back. Insectosaurus was wading into the surf, while the Missing Link was on his favorite perch on the tip of his nose. B.O.B. was egging on two miniscule black crabs who were engaged in a fight to the death.

"All right," Link called. "And now the Missing Link is going to do a swan dive from a very springy nose 350 feet from the surface of the water!"

He bounced up and down on Insectosaurus' nose before executing a flying leap, landing in the water with barely a splash. I applauded Link as he shambled onto the shore.

"Excellent dive," I told him.

"Thanks, Doc," he said. He laid down on his own towel and donned a pair of sunglasses. He looked past me. "Whoa-ho-ho, check it out!"

I followed his gaze, then looked away as quickly as I could, but it was too late. The image of Susan striding forward in a sun-gold two-piece bikini had been branded into my brain, probably permanently.

"Dan Radcliffe in _Equus_," Link said.

I blinked as my mental image was replaced with the one Link offered. "Well-played," I said. I risked another peek at Susan, who was a few hundred yards away and clearly in no hurry. I looked down at my own swimsuit. There was no denying it was very cool; it was just past knee-length, and was electric blue with a black palm-tree design on the legs. The problem was the milk-white twigs above and below.

"Dear God, I should have worn a poncho," I muttered. "I'm just a scrap of recycled paper with a giant roach head."

B.O.B. put a hand on my shoulder. "You're not a scrap of recycled paper," he said gently.

"You don't know what recycled paper is, do you?" I accused.

"Does it matter? You're a skinny dude with bad complexion. Not paper."

"That's what I meant," I said irritably. "I'm skinny and pale, like recycled paper."

"Oh, give it a rest, Doc," Link said. "After all you've been through with Susan, you're worried what she cares about your beach bod? It's not your worst feature."

"Really?" I said hopefully.

He lifted his shades to get a better look at me. "No, I was wrong, it's your worst feature. But come on! It's Susan. She still wants to date you after all your terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible attempts to make up for the size difference."

"Really? Terrible times four? Thanks a lot."

Susan arrived and laid down on her back. "Hey, guys," she said. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh, Doc was just talking about your rockin' bikini bod, there," Link said. I glared at him, willing my eyes to shoot laser beams.

"Thank you, Doctor," Susan said with a smile. "So, will we be going out again soon?"

"Yes," I said. "I was thinking we could spend a weekend in Rome."

"Oh, that sounds terrific!" Susan said. "You're so romantic, Doctor." She bent down to kiss me. "I could get used to this, you know. Project L might not be necessary."

Link smirked. "Listen, Susan, I'm sure the doc loves you and all, but nobody wants their obituary to say 'died from injuries sustained during bad sex'."

"I didn't mean that," Susan said with clearly forced patience. "You know, whatever happened to heavy petting?" She tapped my head gently. "We're going to be just fine."

"Hey," Link suggested. "If you guys want some long-term alone time, you can borrow the vacation home that Esme got me."

"In New Zealand?" Susan said. "Thank you, Link. That's so sweet."

"Any time," he said. "I don't have much use for a vacation home."


	17. Personal Investments

**Well, after sixteen solid chapters of partyin', I think I'm gonna try to put some substance in. Just a little bit.**

**Chapter 17: Personal Investments**

**MAXIMUM RIDE**

We decided to bunk down at Dr. Martinez's for a day or two. It was about lunchtime when the Voice piped up again.

_What are you doing here, Max?_

_Oh, hey, Voice. How's it goin'?_

_What are you doing here, Max?_

_Off the top of my head, I'd say I'm eating lunch. I'm guessing that's not the answer you're looking for._

The Voice gave another of its real-or-perceived sighs. _I sent you to Modesto for a reason, Maximum. The friends you made there are vital to your future._

_So, my future is partyin'? I like the sound of that._

_No, Max. The thread of your life is intertwined with many others. Perhaps you haven't noticed, but the world is not yet saved. The flock must join forces with their kin._

_Our kin? I don't see a kinship there. The most useful thing that happened there was learning that we fit the legal definition of "monsters". Other than that, we've got Nudge with her new boyfriend, which has just made her withdraw from the family; Iggy being all bitter, and mostly everyone letting their guard down. Explain to me how that's helpful to us._

_Monsters, Max. The protection of the planet lies with monsters._

_Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm gonna tune you out now._

Nudge bounded downstairs. "Hell-oh, family!" she said. "Notice you haven't seen me all morning? I was IM-ing with Aaron!"

"Yeah?" Iggy said. "I bet you can't do it all afternoon, too."

"Iggy!" I scolded.

"Well, can you blame me?" he retorted. "When she's not talking _to_ Aaron, she's talking _about_ him. 'Ooh, Aaron, I love him so much, he's such a good kisser, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada…'"

"Okay, first of all," Fang said, "the Nudge impression, dead-on."

"Oh, ha-ha."

"And second, you're being way too bitter, Ig. You're fourteen years old. You're not gonna find your soul mate at this age."

"You two have," Iggy snapped. "And, you know, werewolves bond for life, so there goes Nudge."

"Aaron hasn't imprinted on me, if that's what you're talking about," Nudge countered. "But that doesn't mean anything, because he's not a wolf anymore."

"I don't care!" Iggy exploded. "You see this?" He clamped his mouth shut and pointed to it. "Huh? You see this, Nudge? Try it sometime! It's awesome!"

"Iggy, don't—"

"I want what you all have, damn it! Somebody, anybody, as long as they're mine!"

I took charge. "Iggy," I said. "Relax! And what the hell do you mean, what we _all_ have?"

"Please," he retorted. "Listen, Max, I know you're always trying to prove that you're not actually a girl, but get over yourself. You've got this dude you've known your whole life who wants to be with you, you don't care. You're tossing it away. I have fucking NOTHING!" He pounded his fist to the table.

Dr. Martinez rushed in. "What's going on in here?" she demanded.

"It's okay, Mom," I muttered. "Iggy's just a bit upset."

"Right," Iggy snarled. "I'm gonna go fly around. I'll catch you guys later."

"If you think for an instant that I'm going to let you fly off alone—" I began.

"Shut up," he growled. "You have no control over me." He ran out the door and spread his wings.

"Boys, go after him," I said quickly. Gazzy and Fang pursued him. The girls looked up at me.

"Is this my fault?" Nudge asked.

"No, baby," I assured her. "It's nobody's fault. Iggy's just…" I raised my arm hopelessly. "I don't know, Nudge. I guess he feels lonely."

"Well, I guess I'll have to stop seeing Aaron," she muttered.

"No, Nudge," I said sternly. "You do what you like. Maybe just refrain from talking about it until Iggy calms down… but he has no right to make you stop if you really like this boy."

"I do," Nudge whispered. "I like him a lot… but I hate making Iggy feel that way."

"It's okay, Nudge," I said quickly. "The boys will calm him down… I hope." I really, really hope.


	18. Dudes

**Chapter 18: Dudes**

**SUSAN MURPHY**

Dr. Cockroach and I strode back into the mansion.

"Hey, guys," I heard Link call from the living room. We went to join him. "You're just in time for the triple-feature movie show."

"Cool," I said. "What are you watching?"

"_Beowulf_, then _Tropic Thunder_, then for the grand finale, _300_."

I rolled my eyes. "Link, I swear, sometimes you're such a dude."

"I know," he said smugly. "So, how was Rome?"

Dr. Cockroach slid down my body to the floor. "Wonderful," he said. "They really love us over there in Europe, you know. A couple of girls in Denmark gave us their numbers, here…"

"Cool," Link said, taking the scraps of paper.

"I'm glad I wasn't born in Denmark," B.O.B. said thoughtfully.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"'Cause I don't know how to speak Danish."

Dr. Cockroach rolled his eyes. "Of course, B.O.B.," he said.

"Whoa, Doc," Link said. "What's that on your neck?"

My eyes widened as the doctor reached up to touch his neck. "Other side," Link said.

"I don't feel anything," Dr. Cockroach said. "What is it?"

"A big, pink curved line," Link said. "Some kind of scar? Whoa, it goes on forever. Look in the mirror."

Dr. Cockroach went to the north wall, which was nothing but mirror from top to bottom. "Oh my, what in the world is that?" He took off his jacket, revealing that the scar formed a near-circle from his neck, all the way down to his forearm and torso.

"Did you get in a fight with a pack of sharks or something?" Link demanded. I bit my lip, hoping no one would figure it out.

"No," Dr. Cockroach said. "I can't be sure… I think that is a very, very, very large hickey."

Link made eye contact with me in the mirror and guffawed. My face was cherry red.

"You guys crack me up," Link crowed. "I swear, you're just so hopeless, it's funny."

"Well, we're just going to rest here for the day," Dr. Cockroach said, "then we're heading down to NZ. I've seen the scale model. That is quite the place!"

"You can stay there for any length of time you like," Link said. "Just be back in time for New Year's Eve, a'ight?" He started the movie, chuckling to himself.


	19. Robots

**Chapter 19: Robots**

**THE MISSING LINK**

"Hey, Link?" B.O.B. said confidentially.

"Yeah, buddy?"

"You ever feel like you're a motorcycle trapped in a woman's body?"

I blinked. "I can't honestly say I'm familiar with that feeling, no."

Insecto said something. I didn't get any words, only an image: a cloud of things flying toward the mansion. Metal robots shaped like wolves, covered in layers of skin and fur.

"Flyboys," I said.

"What?" B.O.B. said.

"Insecto sees something coming. I think it's Flyboys. I've seen 'em on the news."

B.O.B. and I looked out the window. There was something coming all right, but my eyes aren't as powerful as Insecto's.

"Come on," I said. "Let's check it out."

I pulled out two of Dr. Cockroach's homemade hovercrafts and tossed one to B.O.B. The two of us hopped onto Insecto's head and he flew toward the strange formation. Those were Flyboys, all right. Fang had described them as an older model in a line of robotic henchmen from the Itex company, the company that often attempted to kill or capture Max and the flock.

A tinny voice from one of the machines said, "Subdue monsters."

"Oh, subdue this," I muttered.

Insectosaurus threw out a sonic scream, which immediately shattered about half of the machines. B.O.B. and I hopped onto our hovercrafts and flew forward to wade into the oncoming horde. I threw some punches and kicks, knocked a few heads together. B.O.B. got in a few good whacks, occasionally throwing one Flyboy at another to take them both out. A few seconds later, Insecto prepared another scream; B.O.B. and I got out of his way and he blew the rest of the Flyboys clear out of the air.

"Nice one, pal," I told him. "That was easy. You know, they really ought to make some improvements to henchman technology, honestly. That wasn't even fun. It just made us have to rewind the movie."

We returned to the mansion. I heard an alert pop up on the computer. Insecto answered.

"Hey, it's Fang," I heard a voice say. "I happened to catch a live feed on the news there. Attacked by Flyboys!"

I paused the movie and hopped to the computer. Fang's face was there. "Hey, Fang," I said. "You have any idea why they came after us?"

"No," he admitted. "Maybe they know that we came to the monster convention? Itex is usually after us. They try to rid the world of recombinant life-forms. I don't know why they'd attack you."

"And what do you think we are, Muppets?" I challenged. "We're not recombinant, per se, but we are monsters. Maybe these big-time corporations decided that we're a bit more exciting than you."

Fang shrugged. "I don't know, man," he said. "Just keep your eyes open. We will too."


	20. Proposal

**Chapter 20: Proposal**

**DR. COCKROACH PH.D.**

I hauled the enormous, heavy box down the aisle of our private jet, just departing from New Zealand. Susan was lounging near the back.

"Hey, Doctor," she said. "Do you need some help?"

"If you could," I said.

She reached for it. "New invention?" she said.

"Something like that," I said. "Could you open it for me as well?"

She opened it, and she gaped. She stared into the box and then glanced down at me.

I grinned at her. "Will you marry me?" I said.

She lifted the ring from the box. It was just her size. The diamond was the size of a human head, and the sapphires on either side of it were nearly as big. "Oh… my… God," she breathed. "Doctor, where did you get this?"

"Oh, you know," I said modestly. "Just some heat and some pressure… they don't really have many diamonds that big. The gold and the sapphires I just sort of… found, you know."

"My God," she whispered. "This is amazing. Yes, yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"

She put the ring on her finger. She picked me up in a bone-crushing embrace and kissed me passionately. I held my breath for as long as I could. Finally, she dropped me flat on my back.

"I am so lucky I found you," she said.

"Quite," I choked out. "A kiss like that would have killed a normal man in four different ways."

She laughed.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Our plane pulled into our remote airstrip, where the other three monsters were waiting.

"Look, you guys!" Susan said. "We're engaged!"

Link gaped at the ring. "Holy crap, Doc," he said. "Where'd you get the giant rock?"

Insectosaurus leaned in to get a better look. His pupils dilated, and he struggled to look away.

"I call best man!" B.O.B. said abruptly.

"Damn it," Link muttered.


	21. Queso Dip

**Chapter 21: Queso Dip**

**BELLA CULLEN**

Edward pulled our car into the driveway of the giant California mansion.

"This should be fun," he said. "A couple to hang out with."

"Yeah," I agreed.

The big door of the mansion opened. Susan was seeing off a middle-aged couple. "Bye, Mom and Dad!" she was saying.

"Oh, hi," I said. "Are you Susan's parents?"

"Yes," the woman said. "Wendy and Carl Murphy. You must be their dinner guests."

"Yeah," I said. "Bella and Edward Cullen."

Wendy's eyebrows shot up. "Renesmee's parents?" she said.

"Yeah," I said, remembering that Jake had taken Nessie to visit a few days earlier.

She looked us up and down. "My God, you're young!" she said. "How could you have a daughter that age?"

"Uh… I didn't," I said evasively. "When I had her, she was just a baby."

I was quickly saved by the bell when Wendy's husband called out, "Come on, darling! We've got to get home."

As we entered the giant house, I didn't have to look at Edward to know that he was torturously suppressing laughter. "You don't have to do that," I told him.

He let go, and the peals of laughter began. Susan and Dr. Cockroach looked at us as we came in. Their table was set with a large Mexican dinner.

"What's going on?" Susan asked.

Edward choked through his laughter, "Your mother… your mother asks how we could have a daughter Nessie's age… and Bella… she says, 'I didn't. When I had her she was just a baby.'" He fell to the ground laughing. "That's going on the 'Dumb stuff that Bella says' web page."

Susan laughed. "You have an actual web page?"

"You'd better not," I growled.

"No, I don't," Edward said. He sighed. "Oh, that was funny, though."

"Yeah, laugh it up," I muttered. "So, thanks for inviting us, you two. We've never been able to hang out with just another couple."

"Well, we thought it was only appropriate," Susan said. "You're the most loving couple we know… aside from ourselves, of course."

My head snapped up. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Aside from ourselves."

I took a single leap up to her table. "I'm sorry, you think that you're more in love than Edward and I?"

"Well…" Susan said delicately. "Well, we are. I mean, look at this ring!" She held it into my face. "Don't tell me you have a better ring."

"Oh, but I do," I said. "This ring belonged to Edward's father. He kept it on him for ninety years before giving it to me."

"Yeah?" Susan said. "Well, check this out." She picked up Dr. Cockroach and ripped off his jacket. His body was covered with enormous bite marks. "See these? Very, very, very large hickeys."

"Susan," Dr. Cockroach said, "Please—"

I scoffed at her. "Edward, come here." He joined me on the table and I ripped off his shirt. "I don't know if you can tell… here, I'll hold him up to the light." I held him over my head, to put the scars all over his chest into high definition. "All me!" I said. "The only thing that cut vampire skin is vampire teeth. That right there is two years' worth of love-bites from yours truly."

"Bella, don't—" Edward began.

"Oh, give me a break," Susan said. "I practically snap him in half every time we kiss, but does he object? Hell no! He loves it."

"Susan, darling," Dr. Cockroach said. "I hardly think this is necessary…"

"I was human on our honeymoon," I told her. "I was covered in bruises after our first night. Edward was hating himself, but I wanted to do it again, so we did. We destroyed Esme's bed. Feathers and splintered wood everywhere, if you grasp my meaning."

"Bella, love?" Edward said nervously. "They grasp your meaning. I grasp your meaning. The queso dip grasps your meaning."

Susan stared hardly at me. "You're serious, aren't you?" she said. "You honestly think that you love Edward more than I love Dr. Cockroach."

"It's nothing personal," I said. "I love Edward more than anybody's ever loved anybody."

"I doubt that."

"You have a spare room?"

"Second floor. I see we're on the same page."

"Bring it," I said.

I dragged Edward to the spare room. Susan scooped up Dr. Cockroach and ran to her own room on the third floor.


	22. Blue Moon

**Chapter 22: Blue Moon**

**THE BIG GUY**

"Mission failed, sir," Jewel told me. He turned to face me, his ruby-and-diamond face expressionless as always, his pearl mandibles clacking.

"That's fine," I said. "Just fine." I replayed the video. B.O.B., the Missing Link, and Insectosaurus had wiped out the Flyboys I had purchased in barely a minute. Henchmen become obsolete so quickly. "Ray! Ram! Come here!" I called.

The twelve-year-old twins, both named for the animals they resembled, popped up at my side. "Yes, Big Guy, sir?" Ray said.

"Design something new," I said. "We were inches away from nabbing the flock, but we did not anticipate an alliance with the Modesto Monsters. And whoever these new contacts are…" My eyes slid to the cage. The bars had been bent, and the man and woman we had captured en route to Alaska had fought their way out unarmed. "Zombies, angels, superheroes, whatever they are," I continued. "We need something that can fight them. All monsters shall be mine!"

Ray and Ram scuttled off. Felicia and Albert were already tapping fervently at a computer; Felicia turned to me and tasted the air with her forked tongue. "Is this necessary, sir?" she asked.

"Nothing is necessary, Felicia," I said. "But do you want us to cower in fear forever?"

Albert folded his wings to his back and forced some words out of his beak. "We may not need to, Big Guy," he said. "Look at the new acceptance that the monsters have."

"They proved themselves," I retorted. "They combated an alien invasion. We could do that, I suppose, but it just seems too subtle to me. We shall use our wits to dominate all monsters, then all people, then all the universe! But you know that. I'm going to go check myself out in the mirror."

I walked up to my reflection, greeted as always by the face of a powder-blue gecko. I fingered the ICBG logo on my shirt. "Hello, handsome," I said. "Our face will soon be on all the currency, eh? Yes, someday the world shall answer to the one known as the Big Guy."

…**to be continued in _ICBG_****, part two of the Three-Way Crossover series**


End file.
